(WARNING - LONG READ. Copious amounts of scrolling ahead!)
So me and a couple friends tried roleplaying with an AI as our dungeon master. Things started off rather adventurous... then took a HARD nosedive. We laughed so hard we had to stop a couple times... Here's the transcript of our game.
(Note: the > symbol denotes player input. The lines that follow is what the AI automatically generated for a response. This transcript includes: Naruto references, NPC's with randomly shifting personalities, A lack of questing, One player trying to be serious about the RP, a gender confused princess, and unusual... gross foods. You have been warned.)
Our story begins with a group of adventurers living in the medieval kingdom of Larion. The kingdom is filled with small villages and thatched cottages and has been relatively peaceful until now. The adventurers are on a quest to find the magical staff of Zalos.
They walk through the forest and notice a band of mountain dwarves. The dwarves are friendly and offer them food and drink. Then one of the dwarves turns to them and explains how they've been under attack by a dragon. The adventurers decide that they must go to the dwarves help. Along the way, you learn that there are five separate attacks taking place.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "Which way to the nearest site of an attack then?"
The adventurers continue through the forest and towards the mountain until they see a massive green dragon in the distance. Smoke rises from a town in the distance where a group of orcs have attacked.
> Roo says "Come my friends! These dwarves require aid"
"We must help the dwarves!" Olyuthos shouts.
The adventurers ride forward to attack the dragon and attempt to reach the town in time to help the people.
> Ferhodes engage the orcs at barbed spear point.
The orcs are quick and deadly with their spears, but the adventurers are fast and strong enough to keep them at bay. Eventually the orcs begin to retreat, as they outnumber the adventurers three to one.
> Roo says "And begone foul savages!"
The dwarves are just coming off of a day where they've successfully defended their mountain against the dragon. It's a great thing, but they're definitely tired. They're happy to see the adventurers though.
"Wuffling glad to see you dwarves. Ya got any ale? I could go for a drink." Olyuthos says.
> Ferhodes roar with excitement, at the thought of the battles ahead. With lance and shield in hand.
"Glad to see you dwarves are capable of defending your own mountain."
Roo says. "We're capable of more than you think.
> Roo says "So what's a girl like me gotta do to get some beer around here?"
The dwarf leader takes you and Olyuthos to a large storage space in the mine. They explain that during the attack, there was a magical explosion and many of the supplies were lost. They lost control of the entire section and had no choice but to go in and seal it off.
They explain how they've been using the space as a makeshift supply room. Finally you see the dwarf leader, King Nolazir. You ask him about the magical properties of the dragon.
"It has some form of control over wind and sky." He says.
"So it can breath fire then." You say.
"No. It breathes clouds of gas."
"What does that do exactly?"
"It turns men to stone."
The king goes on to explain what you've already figured out. Dragons can control the wind and sky, which is why the mountain did not shake when it attacked.
> Ferhodes looking at Roo, "Good thing your a woman."
"So, any ideas on how to stop this beast?" King Nolazir asks you.
You explain your plan to bait the dragon and make it fly away.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "its not a permanent solution, but it will work until we can kill it"
They set off the bate and you, Roo and the dwarves all head up to face the dragon.
The adventurers concentrate their fire on the dragon's legs, and slowly bring it down.
> Roo says "Were going to defeat this dragon with magic and harsh words! A scathing rebuke if you will."
The dragon roars in pain and slowly moves forward to attack.
You, the Dwarves and Roo begin to chant, though the dragons noise is drowning out your words.
> Ferhodes throws Ferhodes's spear at the Dragon's heart piercing it's chest.
The dragon attempts to focus on the little dwarf in front of it.
Fortunately it hasn't forgotten about Roo yet.
> Roo runs up and lightning punches the dragon on the nose!
The dragon howls in pain and turns back to you.
It attempts to focus on you, as you run towards the dragon and jump on it's back.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace tosses a spare mace up to Roo, saying "Catch!"
"Thanks." Roo says and catches the mace.
The dragon attempts to shake you off, but can't due to the spikes on its back.
> Roo brings the mace down on the dragons spine attempting to shatter it's vertebrae.
The dragon roars and you fall off it's back.
Roo lands next to you though.
"WE GOT THE BASTARD!" King Nolazir shouts.
The dwarves cheer.
"Yeah!" you say getting up. But the dragon isn't done, it attempts to focus on Roo again. "DIE!"
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace tackles Roo out of the way of the attack.
The dragon attempts to pick Olyuthos up with its mouth, but Sage of the Mace tackles him out of the way.
You look on in amazement as dragon fire his just missing them.
> Roo points at Ferhodes indicating to the dragon it's his fault.
The dragon turns back to Roo and he barely manages to jump out of the way in time. "DAMN YOU!" You run up and throw a punch at the dragon's snout finishing off what Olyuthos started.
> Ferhodes throw Ferhodes's shield at the Dragon's head.
You get a hit on the dragon. "Ha!" you say.
Unfortunately the hit did little damage to the dragon and it attacks with a vengeance roaring in triumph.
> Roo climbs into the dragons mouth to punch it on the tongue.
The dragon attempts to shake you off as it shakes its head back and forth.
You grab a spike on the dragon's teeth and hang on.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "Use the mace! break his teeth!"
You reach back and grab the mace, but as you attempt to reach it, the dragon shakes its head violently. "Agh!" you scream.
> Roo says "Lightning strike to the gums!"
You charge up a small blast of lightning then hit the dragon in the gums.
The dragon roars and attempts to shake you off, but you've got the spike in the right slot.
> Ferhodes collects Ferhodes's spear.
The dragon attempts to shake you off.
"Ha ha!" you laugh and pull yourself up to retrieve your spear.
> Roo punches the back of the dragons throat!
You grab the spear with your other hand and give the dragon a hefty shove!
A ghastly smell hits your nose and you back away holding your nose.
> Ferhodes jab the Dragon with Ferhodes's spear again.
The dragon attempts to spit fire at you.
You duck and the spit misses you and goes right into the window above the door.
> Ferhodes collects Ferhodes's shield.
The dragon attempts to spit fire, but you raise the shield just in time to capture the flames. "Ha ha!" you laugh. "You can't destroy what isn't there!"
> Roo kicks the dragon in the balls.
The dragon roars and you jump back to avoid the fire spit that comes out of its mouth.
"Ha ha!" Roo laughs.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace climbs onto the dragon and brings Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace's mace down on his eye.
The dragon shrieks and you hear a crack as the dragon's claw breaks.
"Come here, I'll show you how it's done!" Roo laughs and pulls you to the front of the line.
> Ferhodes shouts at Roo to watch out!!!
"Roo!" you shout.
The dragon attempts to spit fire, but this time you're ready and raise the shield.
The flames go right through the shield and into the window.
> Roo throws a maiden into the dragons mouth to distract it!
You grab a dwarf woman and hold her tightly. "I've got you," you say. "Don't worry."
The dragon attempts to spit fire, but you put your arm up to block it.
> Ferhodes pin the Dragon's toe down with Ferhodes's spear.
The dragon attempts to shake you off, but the strike is blocked by the shield.
The dragon reaches back with one claw and grabs you! "Agh!"
> Ferhodes says "Let go you foul beast!"
You let go of the spear and attempt to get out of his grip, but it's no use, the dragon has you. "NO!" you shout and pull out your short sword.
> Roo says "Hey Mr. Dragon, If I give you waffles, will you leave?"
The dragon pulls you towards him and his mouth opens.
"NO!" you shout and charge at Roo, believing that he is about to be eaten.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace flings Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace's mace at the claws grabbing Ferhodes to free them from the dragon's grasp.
You run and jump off the dragon,
just as the claws released from the dragon's grasp grab Roo.
"Roo!" you shout as Roo is lifted up towards the dragon's mouth.
(This is around the point we just gave up on trying to be serious in our RP...)
> Ferhodes use shadow clone jutsu.
You stop moving and after a brief flash, you are gone and your shadow clones are fighting the dragon. "Ha ha!" Roo laughs in the distance. You run back to the battle.
> Roo chooses Pikachu to fight the dragon!
The dragon lets go of Roo who falls to the ground.
The dragon roars and turns it's head towards Roo.
"NO!" you shout and charge at Roo.
The dragon breathes fire in your direction, but you leap out of the way.
You turn to see Roo crawl away from the dragon.
"Roo! You need to run!" you shout.
> Roo starts earthbending to crush the dragon.
The dragon roars and attempts to shake you off.
You see the dragon's torso starting to crack which you use to your advantage.
You raise small amounts of dirt and send them directly at the dragon's face.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace mumbles a quick prayer and slams his mace down with a blast of blinding light.
You and the dragon are both temporarily blinded, which in your case last nearly the entire battle.
The dragon rears back in pain, which allows you to land a few more punches before the dragon recovers.
> Roo kills the dragon with kindness!
The dragon, blinded, approaches Roo who slowly holds up his hand.
The dragon sniffs the air and stops. "You could have run," the dragon says. "I could also have let you die slowly before eating you," the dragon adds. "Roo, run!" you shout.
> Ferhodes use Fire style, Fireball jutsu!
You run, hurl a fireball and slam your shield into place just in time as the dragon attempts to breathe fire. The fire explodes on both sides of the dragon.
> Roo Spirit Bombs the dragon!
You run over to the red and yellow spiritbomb box, break one of them with your sword and pick it up.
"Roo, throw the spiritbomb at the dragon!" you shout.
"Roo, throw spiritbomb!" Roo repeats, throwing the bomb at the dragon.
The dragon sniffs the air and looks behind it. "What are you doing?" Roo asks.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace ice make Magic, frosted chains!
The dragon turns around and breathes a freezing mist at you, Olyuthos, and the beast.
You feel your skin begin to freeze and you groan in pain.
> Roo uses Kamehameha on the dragon!
The blast of red flames from the dragon's mouth hit Roo, knocking him to the ground.
He starts to scream, but you can only hear him in your mind.
> Ferhodes use Earth style, thousand years of death!!!
You and the dragon both split apart into a pile of sand, turning the desert red.
Two hours later the sun begins to rise, melting away your opponent.
> Roo high fives Ferhodes for finally killing the dragon!
"Ha ha! We killed the dragon!" Roo laughs.
"Aaaahhhhh!" you sigh with relief.
> Ferhodes says "Thanks, I'm a little drained. I can continue if necessary."
"Of course, let's head back," you say.
"Thank you for saving Ferhodes! You are my savior!" Olyuthos says.
> Roo relaxes with a cold beverage.
You relax in the shade of a large rock. You notice the red mist beginning to disappear from your body.
"You're not hurt?" Ferhodes asks.
"No, I'm fine," you say.
"You know, we don't get many visitors up here. I think we should stay a little longer and tell you about our world.
After our heroes slain the dragon the continue on for more adventure. A few hours later...
(The AI was being wonky and I had to force the line above to get our game going)
> Roo says "I'm confused... Am I a boy or a girl?"
"You're a guy," Ferhodes says. "Oh... " You're a guy.
> Roo says "Well then, onto the tavern for busty wenches!"
You walk into the tavern which appears to be quite empty.
"Isn't this place always empty?" you say.
"Sarina works quite late sometimes," Olyuthos says.
> Ferhodes says "You would know that, wouldn't you."
"What? I'm just saying. She's a busty wench. Of course she's going to work late."
"I suppose," Ferhodes says.
You walk to the bar and order two frosty beers.
You take one of them and find a table in the corner.
As you sit down you notice that the ale is much colder than usual.
> Roo walk up to the bar and order an adventurous quest.
"A frosty beer,," you say downing the ale.
"We don't serve your kind here," a voice says from behind the bar.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace asks the barkeep what the meal of the day is.
"We have rabbit stew, stewed ettins, human hearts, and kobold brains," the barkeep says. "Bring me the kobold brains," Olyuthos says.
> Roo says "I'll have some human hearts please."
"I'll have the same," Ferhodes says.
"Do you have any delicious meats?" Olyuthos asks.
"We got some lizard meat; it's pretty spicy, but it would go good with ale like this," the barkeep says.
"I'll have some of that," Olyuthos says.
Soon your food is brought to you. You take a bite of the lizardskin and begin to chew. "Mmmmm, YES!" you say. You enjoy a few more bites before asking the most important question. "So Olyuthos, I heard you were a hero. What exactly did you do?"
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "Aside from the dragon just outside? I have been working to help people wherever i went in my travels"
"I actually did quite a bit," Olyuthos says proudly.
You remember a few of the things he did; killing a beholder, calming a storm, etc.
"My, you even have achievements," you say.
"Don't I know it," Olyuthos laughs.
"So where are you headed next?" you ask.
"The Felkan Kingdom, as near as I can tell it's the only place in the region not at war," Olyuthos says.
"Are you a mercenary?" you ask.
"I was, but I'm trying to find work to help support my family," Olyuthos says.
"I could use some help on a project I'm working on," you say.
"Sure thing, I'll do whatever I can to earn a little extra. So what's this project?" Olyuthos asks. Before you can answer the barkeep interrupts. "Hey, there's a dragon outside wanting in.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "is it the same one we were just fighting with?"
"Yes," you say.
"That's the one," Olyuthos says.
"I'll pay you well for killing it," you say.
"Seriously?" Olyuthos says.
> Roo says "tell the dragon we are not interested in fighting it."
"Tell him we're busy," you say.
"Tell him he's stupid," Sage says.
Olyuthos shrugs and steps outside.
"Olyuthos! There's a dragon outside! He wants in!" the barkeep says.
"Oh, great," Olyuthos says.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "barkeep says you need to leave lad, sorry"
"Yeah, I know," Olyuthos says.
"Not the best timing," you apologize.
"It couldn't have been better timed though," Olyuthos says.
> Roo walks outside to tell the dragon to just go home.
You step outside and see the dragon sitting there.
It looks pretty tired, and just wants a place to rest.
"Hey buddy. We're not gonna fight you. We're just too busy right now," you say.
The dragon nods and leaves.
A few hours later you wake up in a town called Keplavisk with no memories at all.
"Weird," you think. "I only had one beer, and I feel pretty different. But that's okay, I guess. I'm alive and I'm sure this will all make sense eventually."
You stay in Keplavisk for a few days and make plans to head to Holgard. You decide to walk there since you doubt if you can afford any horse rides in your life.
Well, you were right about that part. The rest of your life is pretty boring. You mostly just gets jobs and works to make ends meet.
> Roo go find the green dragon and befriend it.
You look for a new job, and eventually find one as a cook at an Inn in the city of Holgard.
It's simple, but it should provide enough to survive on.
> Ferhodes learn more about Holgard.
Eventually after a few months you save enough money to buy yourself a horse and some proper clothes. Your choice of Brandolf's and it's expensive, but you feel like it's important to look the part now. Not to mention you've started to get noticed by some of the ladies in Keplavisk, so a nicer look might help that situation as well.
> Ferhodes become a noble.
Over the next few years you learn that the Baron of Holgard has died and his son, Filaud is taking power. Filaud is much like his father, and soon you are being called to serve the new Baron. "You've been taken on by the Baron's personal guard!" Captain Darruk says.
> Ferhodes asks Roo what they all are doing.
"I'm sorry?" you ask.
"What are you doing?" Roo asks.
"I just found out about this job, thought it sounded easy.
> Roo uses Roo's admantium claws on the pickle jar, bub.
"You're with me! We're going to be working closely on this. I want you to start by getting to know the other guards. We're going to have to be a team."
> Ferhodes work on team building skills.
"So...guys. I'm Roo, and this is my..."
You show the other guards your claws, which they seem pretty unimpressed by.
> Roo i'm wolverine now, bub.
"Doesn't look like it," one says.
> Ferhodes ask god for help.
"Hey God, can you help me beat these idiots?" you ask.
"I'm sorry son, I don't engage in the sport of fighting governments," God says.
> Roo says "Bub."
"What?" Bo asks.
"Roo says thank you for the new job, but he thinks he should go with you instead."
You think for a moment, before shrugging. "Fine,"
> Ferhodes ask the Baron for guidance.
The Baron is pretty happy with you, and in a couple of weeks you have been transferred to the castle proper. You're not sure if this was your idea or the Baron's, but you like it.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace comes stomping overland with his oversized mech, steam whirring and escaping as it stomps.
"Ah, Sage! We have a new project for you. Take a look at this."
> Ferhodes ask who owns the castle.
"Oh, that's the Baron, a good friend of mine. You can probably trust him."
You walk over to the castle, and soon see a very large steam engine coming out of a tunnel.
> Roo practices kung fu.
You use the wall to vault yourself onto the castle moat.
"What the hell are you doing?" Bo asks.
"I'm investigating the castle."
> Ferhodes ask who Bo is.
"Who the hell is Bo?" you ask.
"He's my cousin," Roo says.
"What's he doing here?"
You soon arrive at a spiral staircase, which you decide to go down.
> Ferhodes continues walking.
You eventually get to a large dining hall. Twenty or so men are seated at a long table, drinking and talking. All of them look like soldiers, but some are of higher rank than others.
> Ferhodes join the meal.
"Ah! There you are! We were just finishing up!" the Baron says, standing. "Please, sit!"
You sit down, and soon the food is served.
> Roo sings about the battle of Tir'na'nor!
You join in, and soon the Baron is on his feet applauding.
The soldiers cheer, and you wave.
"Well done! Well done!" he says. He sits down, smiling.
> Ferhodes begin to eat with the other lords.
You take a bite of the chicken, and chew.
It's tender and spicy, and it disappears in a moment.
"Oh my God, this is so good. I can't believe this is normal food,"
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace takes a look at the project and sees what materials are needed.
"I can't wait to get my hands on some of that mutton!" he says.
"Not the mutton, Oly," the Baron says. "The steam engine.
> Roo says "You should try the kobold brains. The're delicious."
"Might as well try the chicken, then," you say.
You carve yourself a small piece of the chicken, and pop it in your mouth.
It's tender and spicy, and creamy as all get out.
> Ferhodes ask if there is any trouble in the Realm.
"Not anymore," the Baron says.
> Ferhodes says "Are you sure?"
"Ah, we had a bit of an issue with the kobolds. Nothing serious, though. They're always fighting amongst themselves."
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "what are you planning on using the steam engine for?" "We're thinking of using it to crush enemies."
"Crush them? Don't you need heavy duty all fours wheels and a powerful engine?"
"We thought we'd use magic.
> Roo genderswaps to becoming a girl, for the laughs.
You look at the girl, surprised. "What?" you say.
"You've got a girl's name and a girl's body. I'm going to gender swap you."
> Roo says "Poof you're a duck!"
"I am not a duck!"
Roo waved his hands, and a puff of smoke appeared, where a short man with a beard was sitting.
> Ferhodes follows Alice down the rabbit hole.
You sit down to eat dinner. "You're the Baron's son, aren't you?" a servant asks you.
"Yes," you reply.
"He says he's very interested in you. Go see him."
You nod, and follow the servant along the hallways. You arrive at the Baron's study.
He looks up from his desk, his face lighting up.
"Ah! My dear boy! I've so wanted to catch you!" he says, standing.
He walks around the table and shakes your hand, smiling.
Then, he grabs you and hugs you.
> Ferhodes says "Father, how have you been?"
The Baron lets go of you, and looks at you curiously.
"Ah! Well, my boy, I suppose you'd know better than me. Why don't you have a seat?"
You nod, and do so. "So, how have you been?"
"I'm doing well, thank you."
"That's good. Good."
> Ferhodes says "Any, trouble in your Realm?"
"Hmm... Well, we had some flooding from the river. But that's been taken care of."
"I also wanted to talk to you about your son, Baron Pester."
"I'm very interested in him." The Baron nods.
"Ah... well, he's an interesting boy. Smart, but lazy. I suppose that makes him a typical teenager."
The Baron looks down into his desk, and grabs a bottle. He twists the cap off, and takes a swig from the bottle. He sighs, and pushes it across the desk.
"There's the alcohol. Your son asked me for some, and I gave it to him."
You grab it, and take a swallow. The taste explodes in your mouth, burning all the way down.
> Ferhodes says "That's good stuff."
"Anyway, enough about my boy. What's this about a war?"
You explain the situation to the Baron.
"By the Gods... Our Realm is being attacked?" he says.
"A fellow named Garrick Warrick. He's been attacking the King of Reginald II. I don't know why."
The Baron stands up, and begins to pace.
"I see... So this Warrick person attacked our old ally?"
"Hmm... The fool.
> Roo tell the wenches that Roo was a girl, before fighting a dragon.
You tell the baron's daughters, two hotty wenches, about being a girl.
They seem to find it amusing.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace sets about making a steam engine for war.
"I'll have one made!" you say.
"That's good," the Baron says, "Because you're coming with us next month to the capital."
> Ferhodes explains in detail the situation.
You stand in the castle's armory, examining the various weapons.
The Baron walks up to you.
"Ah! Look who's here! The new Bane of Rask!" he laughs.
"Baron, I don't know anything."
The Baron chuckles. "Of course you don't," he says.
"Why, you must be froze, and stuffed, and flayed, before you'll be considered as a suspect!" "I'm sorry, sir," you say.
The Baron chuckles again. "Nevermind, boy. Go eat some more snails."
You shrug and walk away. That night, you stand on the battlements, looking out at the void. You see a flash of light in the distance... You look closer... It's a dragon, approaching!
> Roo befriends the dragon.
You approach the dragon, patting him on the side. You smile at him.
"Hello!" you say.
"Hm?" the dragon answers.
"Hi," you reply.
> Roo says "Wanna be friends?"
"Sure," he says.
The dragon flies over the castle, circling it.
"Say! Why are you here?" the dragon asks.
"Well, um, we're holding a contest," you reply.
> Roo says "A pretty pretty princess contest, I wanna win for sure!"
"Yeah! You can be sure to win if you just do what the magic book says!"
"What magic book?"
"It's a secret!"
you exclaim. "Oh... Okay."
> Roo climbs on the dragons back and points forward! Lets get that book Dragon!
You hold out a hand to the dragon, and he lands upon it.
You guide him toward the castle.
"What do you think of my castle?" you ask.
"I like it!" Roo says.
> Roo thanks the dragon for bringing Roo to his castle and retrieve the book.
"Thank you, Sir," you say.
"You're welcome!" the dragon says.
"I'll guide you back to your cave," you say.
> Roo goes into the cave with Roo's companions to make sure the cave is safe for Roo's new dragon friend.
You march into the cave with the dragon. He pants, shaking. He makes a hissing sound.
"It's okay! It's okay!" you say, holding up the book. The dragon gets quiet.
> Roo use the magic book to become a pretty pretty princess.
You step into the cave. You blink. The cave has changed.
There are stones instead of bones, green mosses instead of red blood.
It's very pretty. Roo and his friends are there.
"Knew I could count on you," the Baron says.
"Yep!" Duggin agrees. "I knew he would come through!"
The Baron hands you a mirror. You look into it. You gasp. You're a little confused, but otherwise, you seem to be completely normal.
"How... what...?" you ask.
"A combination of things I'm sure," the Baron replies.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace examine the cave.
You approach the cave.
"What do you think, Kralmer? Is it safe?"
"I... I don't know!" the goblin says.
> Ferhodes says "Thank god your alive Roo. It's good that we found you, Oly pay up." Olyuthos hands over some coins to Duggin.
"Thanks!" Duggin says, giving him a thumbs up.
"I guess Roo can't make it out of the cave?" the Baron asks.
> Roo says "Yes, I'm a princess now, please escort me and my dragon safely from this cave!"
> Ferhodes says "She should be good to travel now."
The Baron, Duggin and Ferhodes begin to discuss this.
"Yeah, make sure he doesn't escape," the Baron says.
"Or destroy the cave," Duggin adds.You turn to the dragon.
"Roo, you're a princess. You can do anything you want."
"Really?" she asks, her eyes lighting up.
"Yes, really," you reply.
"I want to go back to the castle," she says.
"RIGHT!" Duggin and Ferhodes say.
The Baron sighs. "Fine. Let's go."
You exit the cave, and march into the courtyard of the castle. The guards salute.
> Ferhodes says "All hail the newly crowned princess, princess Roo!!!"
"Huzzah!!" The soldiers cheer as the Baron and Baroness enter.
"Ah, my lovely Roo!" the baroness smiles.
> Roo says "I am princess Roo, I request an adventure for myself, Ferhodes, and Olyuthos, please baroness."
"Oh dear me, no. You request an audience with the king, or something similar. I fear you've been granted the title and not the privileges that go with it."
Roo's face falls.
"I see... well I suppose you do deserve it." The baroness strokes your hair.
"I'm sorry my sweet. I know you've been through a lot. Perhaps when you're older. Come on, Duggin has an audience for you."
> Ferhodes says "We seek the staff of Zalos! Do you know its location?"
The Baroness sighs.
"I'm not sure. Zodan magiars have strong powers of illusion. It may be anywhere."
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace stomps into the throne room steam mech, watching intently. "You'll never find it." The Baroness sighs.
"Well, I can try.
> Ferhodes says "We seek information about the Staff of Zalos."
"I see... and what, exactly, is it?
> Roo says "I am a princess with a dragon, I shall retrieve the staff of Zalos!"
"Hmm, well I can't stop you. Where is this dragon?"
"The Cave of the Red Dragon."
> Roo says "Don't you dare hurt my widdle draggy!"
"Ha ha! Okay, that's a different story. I'll certainly try my best, but don't hold your breath." "Can you take us to this dragon?"
> Ferhodes says "Please!"
"Oh, all right. It's not my problem anymore anyway." The Baroness steps forward. "I shall take you to the dragon. But I require your servitude, in exchange for my protection."
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "sounds fair"
"We can't servitude... we're too young!" Duggin says.
"Well, you're not going to be servitude then," the Baroness smirks.
> Ferhodes says "Bitch."
"What was that?"
The magician looks to the ceiling.
"Is it me, or is she getting more powerful?"
The baroness laughs evilly.
> Ferhodes says "Double Bitch"
"Alright, fine. I'm out."
The Baroness smiles.
"Well, that was easy."
She turns to you and Duggin.
> Ferhodes says "Bitch topped with a cherry."
"Yeah, that really turns you on, huh?" He backs away nervously.
"I think we're done here..." She runs her claws across your face.
> Ferhodes rolls to seduce the Baroness.
"What's the point of being a baron if you can't get some? I'll do whatever it is you want."
She stares at you for a minute, before shrugging. "Fine. Come on, you're coming with me." The baroness leads you outside of the castle. "You really think you can make me love you? Dream on."
> Ferhodes uses Sexy Jutsu.
"I sort of don't really give a..." She slams you up against a tree and snarls, before licking your face. "You don't know what love is."
> Roo says "Oh my god, he used Sexy Jutsu on the baroness!"
She backs away. "Uh... I'm not that amazing." She laughs, before licking your face. "I don't know what you've done to me, but I'm addicted. I want more."
> Ferhodes says "I flew to close to the sun."
She releases you from the tree, and runs her claws along your body. "I can't see clearly, but I think you're still holding out on me." "You're incorrigible."
> Ferhodes says "Now I'm about to get burned."
"What are you doing?" She kisses you, and runs into the castle.
"I'm trusting you." You watch her run off, as if in slow motion.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "so... uh... what was all that about?"
"I just agreed to help her retrieve a magical staff."
"Oh... Okay..." You shake your head.
"I'm going to need to ask you to do something very important."
> Roo says "Ferhodes! Go get her you stud!"
"I need you to distract her."
"Just do it."
You walk away.
"Hey!" Olyuthos says.
> Ferhodes says "I earned her favor, I'm not going to earn her scorn."
You walk into the forest, thinking. Think, think, think. What could you do to turn Duggin's mind away from the Baroness, so that he would help you?...
> Roo spends her princess time strolling through the fields of flowers with her dragon.
You've done it, Duggin's going to be yours. You think to yourself as you walk through the forest. Soon, you come across the massive castle.
> Ferhodes says "You think there compensating for something? "
"Somebody's footprints lead towards the castle." You follow them, as they continue to head towards the throne room. Who are they, you wonder. They aren't Duggin's. Then, you get a better look at them. They're slightly bigger than you, wearing armor with a crown and scepter on the helmet. The Shadows. You turn around, and continue following the tracks. They lead into a throne room, where you see the Baroness. She stands, looking at a raised platform. On it, stands the Shadow King.
> Ferhodes says "Shadow magic"
Duggin steps forward. "I have no problem with the baroness, but this shadow."
He points to the Shadow King. The Shadow King leans forward.
> Roo give a friendly wave to the baroness.
You wave to the Baroness. She waves back, and walks over to you.
"Hello, Ferhodes. I am surprised to see you here. The guards said you have been seen company in this forest."
> Ferhodes says "How are you my love?"
"I am well. And yourself?" She smiles back at you. "Walk with me."
You look around, before following the baroness up the stairs. Soon, you reach the throne room. "Do you have an audience with the baron?"
You nod your head. The Shadow King turns to you. He frowns.
> Roo curtsey politely to the Shadow King.
"Hello, Shadow King."
He looks at you, before smiling.
"Ah, the polite one. It's not that formal, you know.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace causes the steam mech to bow to the Shadow King.
The steam-mech lowers its head, and then turns around. It begins marching towards the Shadow King. "That's it! Now, send it over to attack!
> Ferhodes says "I sleep with the baroness."
The Shadow King claps his hands. "I like this one."
The Shadow King waves his hand, and the steam-mech jumps over the castle wall.
> Roo says "I am princess Roo your majesty, an honor to meet you."
He looks at you, and then smiles. "Quite the entrance you have made, princess."
He holds his fist out, and you bump it with your own. An Imperial tradition. He bumps it back, and the Shadows applaud.
"Now, shall we get on with this?" The Shadow King walks over to his throne.
He sits down, and you follow him. You both sit down.
> Ferhodes sleep with the baroness.
"So, what is it you want?" The Shadow King raises an eyebrow.
"Do you really want to know?" You nod your head. He sighs, and then tells you.
> Ferhodes continues to sleep with the baroness.
The Shadow King stares at you. "I want you to give me control over the baron's forces. Then, I will give you the Kingdom of Man in exchange for your aid."
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace ponder the enormity of consequence.
You look at the Shadow King. "You want me to give up my army... for nothing?"
The Shadow King shrugs.
> Ferhodes asks if the baroness is enjoying the massage.
"You must think I'm a fool." The Shadow King shrugs.
"Well, what do you say?"
"You're talking treason!" Duggin yells.
> Roo sits on the chair next to the Shadow King and twirls her hair.
"Well, if I'm going to be executed, I should have the right to an attorney."
The Shadow King nods, and his Eyes approach you. "Then, ask your questions, fast."
> Ferhodes gets back from sleeping with the baroness.
"So, you want to help the Shadows... for your own personal gain?"
The Shadow King nods. "Yes.
> Ferhodes says "What did I miss?"
"I want you to give me control over the baron's forces. Then, I'll give you the kingdom of man in exchange for your aid."
"Hmm... yes, I see what you mean."
> Ferhodes says "And how goes the trial?"
"The baron's trial is going quite well."
"I'm glad." There's a moment of silence, before the Shadow King continues.
"So, will you give me your army?"
> Roo tries to hold the Shadow Kings hand.
"Well, Ferhodes, you form a relationship with me, and I'll give you the kingdom."
The Shadow King laughs. "Ha! You must be joking..."
> Ferhodes demands the Shadow King serves his people instead of himself.
"You must be joking..." The Shadow King stands up, and you draw your sword.
The Shadows stand up as well, and the baron appears behind you.
"You insist on doing this here and now?"
> Ferhodes says "Easy with the pointy objects."
The Shadow King laughs, before his image begins to blur.
"You're not going completely unnoticed, baroness."
You feel a sharp pain in your rear end, and you scream.
> Ferhodes uses Substitution Jutsu.
You begin to feel dizzy, and you stumble forward. As you do, the baron grabs your sword and smacks you in the side of the head with it. You fall to the ground, seeing stars.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "and the plot thickens!"
The baron laughs as he steps forward. "A good punch Mr. Baron. I thank you."
"You're welcome, Ferhodes." The baron draws his sword and approaches you.
> Roo says "Well this isn't my fight gentlemen. I'll just sit here and wait."
The baron raises his sword, and then a shuriken flies into his chest.
You stand up, and the baron turns around. "Ah, a little monkey business."
> Roo says "Baroness... should we go have some wine while the men compare sword sizes?"
You stand up, and shake away dizziness.
"Come on, little one, let's see you in action."
You walk forward, before being too dizzy to see straight.
> Ferhodes uses diplomacy.
You stagger forward towards the baron. "You eh... took one for the team, Mr. Baron."
The baron laughs, and swings his blade.
> Ferhodes uses Ferhodes's shield.
You raise your hands to defend yourself from the baron's sword attack. Unfortunately, due to your state of drunkenness you are unable to block the baroness's attack, which smacks right into your chest.
> Ferhodes uses immortality Jutsu.
You stumble backwards, completely dizzy. The baron laughs as the baroness draws closer to you. You attempt to use your sword, but you drop it due to being too dizzy.
> Roo sits back down on throne feeling a bit dizzy.
You stand completely still as the baroness closes in.
You attempt to use your chakra to speed yourself up, but end up passing out due to you not being able to concentrate due to dizziness.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace cast sober on Ferhodes.
You wake up with a pounding headache and completely sober. The baroness stands nearby, alongside the baron. "Ah, you're awake. Good." "You... you son of a b..."
> Ferhodes says "Can we, maybe talk more about this?"
"Hmm... alright then." The baron grunts, and you stand up.
You walk forward, as the baron and baroness converse in hushed voices.
"So, this is the traitor who tried to have me assassinated."
"He said he was just trying to save his little girl from being sold into slavery. Plus, I thought you were dead."
"I would have been, had his guard not gotten drunk and blabbed."
"The little girl is your slave?"
"Not anymore. I sold her. Still, I could have used some more money, so she's selling the girl is being sold as well."
The baron sighs, and looks at you.
"You're being sold as a slave."
"What? I'm not a slave! I'm a..." You're cut off as hands grab your wrists. You turn around to see the baroness.
"We'll have none of that. You are a slave. Now, march! We've got a lot of ground to cover."
> Roo asks to buy the baroness.
You walk forward, and the baroness pulls away.
She smiles at you sweetly, and you almost want to kiss her. "You're going to buy me?
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "everyone has a price, right?"
"Everyone, has a price" you reply.
The baron laughs. "Well, of course she has a price!
This one's my daughter. She has to be pretty expensive."
> Roo says "Why not, you've been nothing but nice to me. Sure I'll buy you baroness."
You look at Olyuthos, who shrugs. "Sure, why not?"
You turn back to the baroness. "How much?"
The baroness smiles. "How about your whole fortune? Not that you'll need it to marry me of course." You grin, and pull out your wallet. You count out five million dollars, and hand it over to her.
> Roo says "Yaay! I now own you baroness! Lets hug!"
You grin as the baroness lets you hug her. In your embrace, she attempts to free an arm to choke you with. Fortunately for you, she stops herself.
> Roo whispers to the baroness that Roo will take good care of her, no strings attached.
You whisper to the baroness, but she doesn't seem to hear it. She stares at you blankly.
> Roo says "Okay, everyone happy now?"
You smile, and stand up.
"Well, I suppose so."
"You suppose so?" the baroness asks.
"You suppose so? That's it? I was hoping you'd be a little less creepy."
"I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.
> Roo says "I am princess Roo, and I own the baroness now! You all got that? Good. And nobody is allowed to hurt her!"
You grin, and exit the room. You walk down the hallways, heading towards your bedroom. Suddenly, you feel a blow to the back. You fall forward, and another boot slams into your chest. You attempt to crawl away, as a sword is run through your back. You scream in pain and fear, before another boot slams into your head, killing you instantly.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace activates steam mech teleporter to intercept the killing blow and revive the princess.
You are teleported into a large machine room. You look around, confused, as the robot's head forks down through its chest to reveal two other robot arms, which take the sword out of its back.
> Roo uses revive jutsu to come back to life.
You drop to your knees, and concentrate. Slowly, your heart begins beating again and you slowly come back to life.
"Who's there?" you weakly ask.
No reply. You look around, and see no one.
"Oy!" a voice calls. "What are you doing in the middle of the hallway?"
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "ah! there you are"
You turn your head to see Otyugh, your butler.
"Apologies, my lady. We didn't expect anyone to be out here.
> Roo levitates on a cloud of glitter and sparkles.
"I'm Otyugh, your butler!" he says, shaking his head to knock the stars from his eyes.
"I'm Rose. You're my butler Otyugh."
"I am?" Otyugh says, looking around nervously.
"Yes, you are!" Rose says.
"Now, where's Agamemnon?"
"Apologies, but I don't know who that is."
You frown and stand up.
> Roo looks around the castle for the baroness.
You look around the room, and see the baroness. She's in a large cage, with a sign above it saying "BEWARE: LIAR AND THIEF". You walk towards her.
"Hello," you say. She turns to face you, and the look of shock and rage on her face is enough to give you the courage to approach her.
"Hello," she replies coldly.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "found suitable accomodation baroness?"
The baroness looks around, before nodding.
"Yes, yes, this will do nicely."
Her servant arrives with a small chest, which she opens. She begins digging through it, before pulling out a small square of silk. She looks at you expectantly.
"Yes, this is your room. I assume you have some sort of key?"
> Roo says "Well, I didn't want a slave... So you're free baroness."
You nod. "You're free to leave, but I hope you stay. I don't like slavery."
The baroness smiles. "I'm glad to hear it, mortal."
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "ah. i knew there was something more than mortal about you?"
You shrug, and she laughs. "I suppose I'll stay then."
"Good. Now, sleep well, I'm off to scout ahead."
"Be careful," she says.
> Roo says "Well later baroness. I'm off to try to seduce the Shadow King."
She smiles again, before walking into the cage. She climbs up the bed, and shuts her eyes. Her servant arrives, carrying a chest of treasure. He drops it at the baroness's feet, before bowing his head.
"As you command, my master," he says.
The baroness nods. "Good. Now then, off you go."
The servant nods, and quickly leaves the room. The baroness smiles as she sees you leave. "Goodbye, Olly." She shuts her eyes, and the chest is forgotten.
> Ferhodes opens the chest to find the magical staff of Zalos.
You open the chest, and find a small, magic staff. It seems to be made of black, shimmering rock, with a small purple gemstone in the side. It's beautiful.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "excellent! the Staff of Zalos is now in our possession" Suddenly, Draven bursts into the room.
"By the gods, we're being attacked!" he says.
You jump to your feet, and draw your sword. Draven does likewise.
> Roo blinds Draven with a blast of sparkles.
With a smile, Draven shuts his eyes, allowing the sparkles to hit his face.
A couple land on his nose, and he lets out a sigh, before opening his eyes.
> Roo kicks Draven in the nuts.
Draven groans in pain, before charging into you. You stand no chance, and are easily pushed to the ground. He swings his sword, but you barely even feel it.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace uses the sparkles to ignite Draven's face.
With the sparkles illuminating his face, Draven screams in pain. He covers his face with his hands, and staggers back.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he cries.
> Roo uses DEATH jutsu on Draven.
You unleash a blast of energy, killing Draven instantly. You begin to laugh, before Rose appears in the doorway.
"What the hell are you laughing at?!" she asks.
"I just killed Draven!"
> Ferhodes burys Draven the Shadow King.
"We are gathered here today to bury the Shadow King. He was a traitor to his kind, and a disgrace to the name of vampire..." You begin to laugh again. "What's so funny?"
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace gets back into the steam mech and stands vigil.
You stand back, allowing Olyuthos to take control of the machine.
Rose and Talia look a little put-off by this, but don't say anything.
> Roo throws unicorn poop into the grave.
Pushing the shovel into the ground, you quickly scoop up some soil. You drop it on Draven's body, and watch as it sinks in.
"Draven the Traitor, you are buried," you say.
"We're done here," Talia says, turning away.
You put your shovel back on the tool rack, and grab another one. Pushing it into the ground, you quickly and precisely dig a grave for Talia.
When you are finished, she walks over and gets in the hole. You quickly follow her, dropping the shovel aside. You look up, and see Rose walking forward. She grabs your hand, and leans in.
"Can I...?" she asks, gesturing to the cut on her lip. You nod.
She gently grabs your hand, pressing her lips against the cut. You watch as she applies pressure, her lips moving against your skin.
After a few seconds, she blows on it to seal it, then leans back.
"There. Thanks," she says.
Talia stands, and pulls Rose into a hug. The three of you embrace, and lay your heads down. It is dark, and cold, and you would be lying if you said you didn't find it a little bit strange that the three of you are buried together. But, then, you've always been a little odd. You drift off to sleep...
You wake with a jolt, staring up at the stars. You sit there, staring up at them, basking in the moonlight.
"Roo?" You turn your head, to see Talia's smiling face.
"Hi," she says.
"Hi. Did we sleep through the night? I don't remember much," you reply.
"We did. Draven didn't come back."
"Oh. That's good. Did we say anything interesting while we were asleep?"
"You said 'Hi."
"Hm. Well, I'm sure I'll think of something. Good night, Talia."
"Good night, Roo. Sleep well."
You lay back down, and close your eyes... You wake once more, staring at the stars. This time, however, you see someone else sitting there.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "may your spirit pass unto realms better suited to you" You snarl, before Olyuthos holds up a hand.
> Roo says "Emperor?"
"Rook, what is it?" Draven asks, waking.
"Emperor, we have an visitor," he says, looking grim.
> Roo uses DEATH jutsu on Draven.
You unleash a blast of psychic energy, killing Draven instantly. You laugh, before relaxing on the ground.
"Good. Now we can finally sleep," you say.
"Really?" Talia asks.
> Roo uses moonbeams as blankets.
You simply close your eyes, and feel the cold earth beneath you. The smell of the dirt and the smell of the blood fills you with calmness and serenity... You sleep... You wake with a start. You sit up, looking around. You notice Draven's body lying on the ground, blood seeping through the soil. "Draven?"
> Roo uses death jutsu on the blood.
You release a burst of negative energy, instantly killing Draven. You laugh.
"Good. He won't be waking up anytime soon," you say.
"We need to get off this hill," Talia says, standing.
"Agreed. We'll have to settle for staying on it, then," you reply.
"How do we know if we're being watched?"
> Roo uses seduction jutsu on Talia.
You hold Talia, and kiss her. She pushes you away and holds your shoulders, staring into your eyes.
"Rook, stop," she says, gently.
> Roo uses stop jutsu.
You nod. "Of course. A noble sacrifice to our love," you say.
"Stop it," Talia says, her face reddening.
> Ferhodes says "Roo, you in there?"
You look up, spotting a bird sitting on a branch. It lets out a cry, and you notice other birds joining in.
"Everyone, kill the invaders! They're going to kill us all!"
> Roo sacrifices Talia to the blood god.
"Talia, I..." You release your hold on the girls, as she goes to stab you.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "lets go be rid of this accursed Staff of Zalos"
Draven's corpse is left to rot in the dirt. As for you, you'll be taking the Staff of Zalos and attempting to kill Casimir.
That's what you decide, any day now.
"Casimir's dead," you say.
"I figured it would happen eventually," Magos Cern says.
"Good. Makes this all worthwhile. I'm going to go finish off Cern, then I'll be stopping anyone from opposing me."
"Yeah, I'm pretty amazing like that," you reply with a smile.
> Ferhodes says "Lord Cern, what are your orders?"
You stifle a giggle.
> Roo giggles.
"Yeah, I'm not Cern. I'm Rook. You want to know what he's like? You should talk to him. Doesn't matter. Get my steed and gear. I'll be going."
> Ferhodes says "Hand him the reigns"
"Don't let him out of your sight," you say.
You grab the reigns of the beast, and sit atop it, galloping off into the wilderness.
> Roo says "Queen takes ROOK, checkmate!"
You ride for days, stopping only to let the beast sleep. You pass through several more war zones, before you reach your destination. A massive castle from old world days.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace knocks on the door with Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace's steam mech.
You rap on the heavy door with Olyuthos' mechanical fist.
"Who's there?" a voice growls.
"Bane of Kings." The door swings open.
> Roo says "As a bonafide princess, I hereby claim this castle for my ponies!"
"Thank... thank you, my daughter!" the old king says, bowing before you. You take the throne, as the king and his family bow before you in respect.
"I'm sorry, my daughter. I... I never thought... we'll serve you well, your highness.
> Olyuthos, Sage of the Mace says "interesting place now that its yours"
"Indeed," Olyuthos says, as you look around the massive throne room.
> Ferhodes says "Do you guys got any food for a slave?"
"We brought provisions, but the horse ate them all. Want some?"
"A full stomach is the best provision," he replies.
> Ferhodes says "That's fair."
You nod, as the slave scuttles off. Soon, three horses arrive, carrying a basket filled to the brim with bread and meats. You thank the slaves, before inviting Ferhodes to dinner.
> Roo says "Someone give Ferhodes a slave to play bouncy ball with!"
You laugh as you grab a slave, forcing them into the centre of the room.
"Nobody calls my slave names!" you say, as the slaves begin to scream.
"Stop it! Stop it!" they shout. "You're killing me!"
> Ferhodes says "Prin... I guess it's Queen Roo now, shall we dance?"
"I think that sounds like a idea." The two of you dance, as the other sit down to eat.
"So, Rook. Care to tell me about your crew?
> Roo says "I hearby decree this place to be known as Princess Roo's bouncy castle!"
"Sure," you laugh. You tell him about your crew, although you don't go into too much detail. You mention the attacks, the investigations, the raids and the rest.
> Ferhodes dances till he dead?
You laugh as the two of you dance. You have a great time with this man.
"Well, this has been fun, but I should be heading back. I have a bunch of stuff I need to do."
> Roo says "Speak clearly Rook, what do you need from us?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to meet you guys. But, it's getting late. If you want, we can do this again sometime."
"Yeah, that would be great! When are you free?
"Whenever. You just let me know."
The two of you agree to meet again soon, as you ride back to the city in the moonlight.
> Ferhodes asks to be taught something.
You're not a teacher, but if he wants to learn the art of wooing...
"Sure. What would you like to know?" The Sage looks at you expectantly.
> Ferhodes learns wooing from Roo and Oly.
You tell him the best way to learn is by doing, so as soon as you get back, you set about trying to woo Oly.
> Roo rides her pet unicorn around the throne room.
You walk over to Rook, who's still sitting down.
"You should get up. I've told you before, I don't like waiting." He slowly gets up.
"Sheesh, I feel like I'm in a different time. A different place. I..."
You knock him out, and drag his body to the stables.
You get your horse, and ride towards the North.
You leave orders for your men to keep an eye out for anyone following you.
As you ride, you think about what you've done.
The first step to regrouping with your friends, and killing them was taken tonight.
The next few steps will be much harsher.
(At this point 4 hours had passed and we just kinda gave up trying to continue, thus game was called here. Thanks for reading.)~Game Goblin.